Previous chapters by subject...
28 September, 2013
28 August, 2013
- Similar to dressing as an other-worldly Buzz Lightyear, there’s obviously no issue with face painting be a specific character of a fictional race, for example..
- Does that have to be a problem? Even if you've got a really, really good idea for a costume? For example, in this thread I think the rationale for face paint in the Tiger Woods costume has some solid logic (even if the execution was massively clunky), because a Rory McElroy in an ambush of Tigers wouldn’t make a lot of sense.
- Unfortunately, even with the best of intentions, the use of make-up like this echoes of and is heavily associated with more ignorant/racist times when blackface was done by The Black & White Minstrels and other groups to perform stupid, false-stereotype portrayals. i.e…
- Even though that was back in the 1970s, it’s recent enough that many people walking around today will have been negatively impacted by it in their lifetime. So, here comes a third rule…
So. There you go. Here’s my initial schema for child fancy
16 January, 2013
AVOID SIGNIFICANT board game tedium by telling your children from an early age that it’s called ‘Connect 2’
CHILDREN'S ILLUSTRATORS. Need to draw a ladybird or butterfly? Go and look at a photo of one first. Seriously. Just once
TV PEOPLE. Solve childhood obesity by making all cartoons about morbidly obese animals incapable of adventures due to Type 2 diabetes
OUT OF TOILET ROLL? As you reach behind to pull from it, check that the packet on the cistern is Baby Wipes. Not Flash Bathroom Wipes
EMPHASISE the importance of grammar to your children by concocting your own “No, More Tears” shampoo out of lemon juice & vinegar
POTTY DESIGNERS. It's for holding urine. Becoming a super-awesome cowboy hat when upturned is NOT a helpful feature...
A HIGH-SIDED garden trampoline makes an excellent introduction to cage fighting for young siblings
A STICKLEBRICK makes an excellent 'bed of nails' for a meditating Lego-man
REDUCE THE monotony of the school run by dropping your child at a different school each day
LEAVE AN unattended hole-punch near your kids. That way, several of your very important documents can effortlessly become riddled with holes
DON’T BE grumpy when changing a dirty nappy, use it as an amnesty period for getting any stored up trumps out
SAVE thousands on university fees and gain a BA in law by getting Mr T to marry your daughter
#51: If you find yourself 34 years old and still occasionally reading/enjoying Viz reassure yourself that, because you scan the letters and articles but skip past the cartoons, you probably still count as an adult